Diary of an NPC (Needy Poor Creature)

i don't know why i did not go for baseball on the first sunday of february because so much funny shit happened...and they all got caught on tape doing unspeakable things on the field god i wish i was there to see it in person but let me just recap what happened in february:  - finally meeting my capstone client because the first 3 weeks were just goofing around and then we realised that his brand image and goals do not exactly align with the way his instagram and tiktok and website are presented...every subsequent after that was basically just another round of lessons and brainstorming and i really came and grew to love my capstone group more because they are really such nice and sweet people and funny asf too...like they just say the most unhinged stuff sometimes and i really love them (though i think that my honesty of openly admitting that i really enjoy their company did come off as performative at the start but im the kind of person that doesn't lie about these kinda thing...

monday: phlegm has been horrible (and i can say that throughout the week it has remained bad). like at this point it has moved on from being an illness to just me having a nasal backdrip. and idk if it is because it is a humid tropical country but i seem to only get it in singapore - in the netherlands i realised i never had this and omg i really want THAT. anyways my dinner ended up being macdonalds on monday because i was out of time to get food in between my class and the class im a teaching assistant for. and my prof (for the one im the assistant) wanted to reschedule class (as per the school guideline) onto saturday 14th feb at 7pm. for very obvious reasons that was never gonna work out and i think even though i suggested to him that we should move it to an earlier part in the day since the lessons from before 3.30 on the actual monday with classes are not cancelled, he relented and said he will upload videos (which, because he didn't know how recordings work, had him picking ...

i feel like this sem is going to revolve a lot around empathy. in part because my final year project literally has my prof going 'feel alive, and empathise' every week, but also because of circumstances that are revolving around me that make me have to really try to empathise with someone. and i think there are so many different ways to empathise that there isn't a one size fits all solution because it really depends on the context. ideally u want to be a mix of the different areas (kinda like a jack of all trades) but realistically u r better in one area than another (for example, being emotionally connected vs being a good listener). but that's the beauty of character arc story development isn't it? life is just a massive role-playing game where we find different ways to improve and different things to explore. and i think that's what makes life worth living and enjoying!  monday (19th feb): its funny because this was the first monday that i went to school bec...

change. so much change. humid sticky weather. so many good bubble tea options. food that is so much cheaper. friends that i have missed for 5 months i won't dive into exchange here because i'm still saving a series of recaps for that here (and on the spam) but i think that in the first week back here there have been a handful of moments that i have come to realise that i really miss the people on exchange. not only because i really cherish the 20 weeks with them, and that i feel like i grew very close to many of them, but its also that u never know when u r going to see them again. at least when i went on exchange i wasn't so sad because i knew i would be back in singapore in january. but i didn't expect to grow so close to so many people and i feel like there is such a big part of my life now dedicated to the people i met and the experiences i went through on exchange. and so yes, there have been nights where i have been lying in bed reminiscing everything, from 18 aug...

summer really passed by like a whirlwind. obviously, the last 9 weeks of intern haven't been updated here (oops) but i felt like because everyday was similar repeated trends, there really was no point in updating it? i mean obviously i do meet up with people for lunch and dinner afterwards, and we end up talking about life or work or random things, but again yeah maybe i shouldnt be committing to a fixed schedule for updates about work next time HAHAHA anyways...i feel like i really took a lot of learnings from this internship. aside from the fact that i already know office politics exist before entering the company, i feel like everything else just built upon what i learned in school. and i think the added complexity of supply chains now makes every single gear in the transportation sector ever more vital. it might be mundane on some days, or at certain points of the day, but i think truthfully i can see the value of doing the work that i did. of course it is minor compared to wha...

something a lil different today... one thing i realised a lot over the first half of this year is that u cannot take anything for granted. and perhaps this is something that is widely known? but in the comfort of someone/something, sometimes that knowledge just recesses itself in the subconscience. and i feel that in those moments, u start to take something as a given. its not really about discrediting a thing's meaning or value, but rather just thinking that it will always be there but life is short. one blink and suddenly u r 35. one skip on spotify and suddenly u realise 40mins instead of 4mins have passed. u realise that the leaves have fallen after a week of passing by the same spot on the bus, but u arent really sure when it fell. was it yesterday? or the day before? or right after u first saw that tree and took it for granted that it would always be there?  every dinner starts to feel like a chore. every moment at work starts to feel like a burden. every interaction feels so...

2.5 weeks of internship done! my impression overall is that generally people here get the work done, r a lot more unhinged, and also i learn more than what i did previously at goodyear (although the office a bit small sia shag).  definitely there have been many funny moments. in no particular order: they drink milk tea everyday; there is this guy who thinks that u can control what lung takes the impact of the vape/cigarette (i fucking died at this); dirty talk everyday without fail; constant teasing about what other ppl do; shit-talking the previous intern because he was really unaware of surroundings and awkward and gave the bare minimum in the job; gossip about how useless the frontline offices in each country we have a connection with are kinda useless (only SOME offices most r okay); my ceo picks up trash that can be recycled from our individual bins every morning; one coworker came in absolutely hungover on friday morning an hour late for work and his breath still smelled of a...

honestly as may passed i started to realise that with so much time there were some very depressing thoughts that started coming back to haunt me and give me some p bad insomnia. so i was just really taking the time to myself and just being in my own circle and not rly working on anything and just procrastinating things.  went to tokyo for the first time for a maritime/trade study mission and it was honestly very fun! there is so much good food and tall buildings to shop (12 story uniqlo, 8 story donki, 6 story muji wtf). thought those were stuff of dreams. the people were p nice too, or at least they all were until my phone battery ran out in the middle of one of the nights (tldr: i wanted to shop at donki, both my cards failed, saw my frens, but my phone died when i wanted to ask them to help me pay as we agreed and i also didnt make clear where i would be queuing to pay). so eventually i had to walk back and the 1h50min walk was insanely tiring bruh my feet were so sore, i had to...

apologies for not putting up anything over the past two months - it was never dead, just hibernating xd but yea i was busy with finals then i got lazy after coming back from japan so...yea we r here ig. and i think at the start of june i did promise myself 'okay i had a list of things i wanted to do, ive done a very selected few and there's still many more, so i shall make full use of the 10 remaining weeks of summer to do as much as possible'. and this is one of them.  i remember april being a very stressful period. not as bad as sem 3.1 obvs because i didnt have 3 excel projects to deal with this time LOL, but definitely still hurting from some things i did in march. project week was kinda wild - i had to rush a law paper in about 4 days (which isnt the worst btw...) over the weekend prior and i somehow managed to get an A for that HAHAH i think i was just very thorough about the tariffs impact on the US and ig i gave a good balance of what the actual ruling was and my ow...

yknow the most ironic thing? i was actually really just getting drowned in work until sunday came and i just slacked off ystd and today but BIG PACE FOR THE NEXT WEEK BCUZ I HAVE 5 THINGS DUE IN LIKE 11 DAYS RAHHH here's the past week's recap, where the week was ultra busy (which is a good thing?):  monday: went back to school to study w the horsemen. but i completely forgot that the law study rooms r fking cold, and i didnt bring a jacket. and i was also so distracted by youtube LOL i did work like only half the time (and after dinner i did stay back but it was to watch youtube...). okay but good company good yap and good frens yay much loves hehexd tuesday: the group leader for my sustainability project told me that she actly scolded this international student who has been in smu for 4 years btw for like not helping the exchange student (!!) do work. so the exchange student just did the stuff herself. LOL. fking funny. and this guy just chat gpt'ed the environmental analy...

kinda just recovering this wkend. been a...long but not so long week? i mean its only gonna get worse ig saturday was just me waking up and watching f1. then go for lunch when the aunty at the fishball noodle stall at golden mile said my disney shirt was damn nice (the one with all the disney characters on the front) xdd. then co prac was abit wild (as usual) i didnt even know emix used the dance studio beside on saturdays (saw a couple of familiar faces). then went to the kampong glam ramadan bazaar (havent been to one in ages) and gosh it was damn crowded AHHAHA kinda wish i had a couple more food items but we ended up sharing everything and damn i realised how exotic the food choices can get cuz they were rly like a variety from many diff cuisines. ended up spending about 13 bucks per person (which is not bad for a kebab, cheese friens, baked potato, and vadas (indian fried potato-based dumplings). also saw lawrence wong walk past and we were like wtf this is the right evening to go...

yknow i realised that the original sound of silence was composed in 1964 wtf and the disturbed remake was actually kinda like the 50th anniversary commemoration. wow. also that is how u remake a song.  anyways wasnt feeling it today in school - had to pon lesson (for the first time ever lmao) and just take an mc (tbf i did have a diarrhoea today and ystd for some reason) but yea i just was completely out of it dealing with friendship stuff throughout the day. some things made me realise that perhaps i have regressed as a friend. or maybe i just havent been as good as i have been/i thought to be. i think natural circumstances had a lot to play, but there r things that i definitely didnt live up to expectation that was within my control, and there r things i need to work on. and honestly was feeling so sick about it that i had no appetite for lunch nor dinner, and i ended up just talking to people about life and zoning out in lesson after 950am and then going to cozy haven (for the f...

and just as i was about to diary for today i saw an ant on my table. idk why but i swear ever since covid ended (i dont rmb before that LOL) there has been like ants paying visits to my home like...in random spurts. sometimes there r like 10 in the toilet when i come back home from work/school and i get so confused like WHY R YALL J SINGING KUMBAYA IN MY TOILET??? is the garden not a better place? and they only come out at night. idk where they go during the day too like...r they just invisible? idek man. oh and these are huge ants like at least 1cm long from head to...last leg. and some are 2cm long...eurghhhh anyways woke up today like damn late cuz the rain was absolutely lashing it down this morning (as it was the entire night i reckon). and i ended up just scrolling through socials in bed cuz why not. actly i can tell u why not: bcuz i had to be in school to STUDY. and guess what i did in the end. look at my exchange course info sheet that the host uni sent over and planned out th...

today (and for the next week and a half) is gonna be hectic. i have many things planned. i have many things to do and submit (1 case, 2 individual assignments, 3 grp projects, and 3 finals from now till 29 april). is it psychotic to want to embrace this challenge and love it? yes. is it normal to want this shit to be over now? also yes. yin and yang.  went for a briefing for some maritime week thinggy next week - was kinda interesting ig bcuz honestly i ended up getting a polo tee cuz we decided to wear smu polo tees for the event nxt wk, and the sch staff paid for it LOL so im not fussed over it whatsoever. then i swear i got a scam call today. a part of me thinks its karma for whatever happened the past 2 weeks, but whatever it is the moment they asked me for a full nric via whatsapp i was like hold the fk up? das kinda sussybaka then i went for ippt. and it was raining. so i was like oh fuck if i dont clear it TODAY i might not clear it EVER becuz like i have to clear it by my b...

it still feels weird, trying to write this out.  i want to liken this to whatever it must feel like being faced with an imminent cyclone/hurricane/typhoon. yknow when u first get the warning that there is something wrong u r like 'oh fuck what do i do now?' and all u can do is prepare for it as best as u can. but then u realise that the best laid defences r never going to be enough to prepare u for the worst storm - all the writing, the mental prep...it doesn't prepare u for when it hits u like a truck. u feel cold shivers, u feel a sense of helplessness, and u feel a sense of weightlessness too - almost like u r already floating through an infinite space with no end in sight. u go around the next few hours thinking about things...actually no u dont even think about things, u just end up wanting to lie in a corner in your home and just cry everything out. or scream into a pillow. why must the tropical storm hit again?! but then the eye of the storm comes, and u get momentar...

and today was one of mine! what follows is a lot of sad stuff so...read at ur own peril from the moment i woke up today until like 4pm i was just having negative thought after negative thought. about what i could have done better as a fren. a lot of doom-thinking about the future (internships and friendships). where did everything start to fall apart. and i think this period really made me realise that in some ways, i have been a somewhat neglectful friend over the past...i would say at least 8 months (last june/july). i will start by saying that i do think i still care for my friends and i do still look out for them, and will willingly do anything for them that they ask me to do (so long as i dont have a high chance of dying ofc). but i think a part of me has also become forgetful of some things that they share with me (and this really really hurts bcuz i alw prided myself upon remembering niche facts about friends, but i think this has gotten worse over the past ~year) and hypocriti...

okay for some reason as i type this, i am on 8 hours of sleep (6+2) and i am feeling a little tired (me thinking about things and life made me less tired (as it shld) but i rly j wna fall onto my bed now) so i am gna divebomb onto my bed aft this n fall into dreamland watched f1 which was fun and exciting...okay look as much as i do have a fair amount of frens who watch f1 it still feels weird that i have, as of now, lost a very close fren (to me, and i think said very close fren also felt the same way abt me (also yes, i am on a friendship break with someone rn)) who used to yap abt f1 w me all the time. i mean, things happen and life is as it is. and ofc friendship breaks are a thing that happens when two friends have a fallout/disagreement over something. but it just sucks bcuz life feels emptier without that friend. and its something that u know needs time before that hole inside u can be closed, whether it is by mending whatever caused the two of u to go on a break in the first pl...

oops sorry stopped for two days because...i got really tired and had 4am football into a full day out with mala at night into today so...pardon the tardiness OKAY SO THURSDAY i think it was actly a p decent day started watching more league (again LOL) and also started to get back a BIT more into projects and work...i think there comes a point where i kinda have to start going to school to stay in the library tho...like i think with 1 case, 3 projects and 2 individual papers to complete over the next month i REALLY got to lock tf in so LIVE LAUGH LOVE (if i sound deranged i promise it isnt me im just hyping myself (and you! if u r reading) up to survive hell week wherever u may be reading from night class was kinda interesting so my prof (the french one who loves wine connection) had a guest speaker over to talk about warehousing and storage/transportation (essentially the focal point between middle mile and last mile) and wtf there's only roughly 5-10% of things in warehouses that...

sorry i really couldnt come up with a better title for today LOL i think today, i thought more about her, especially at the start of the day...for some reason everytime i wake up its always like "oh what did i do wrong" or "oh what is she thinking now" or "oh will we ever be (close) friends again". and it will always end up occupying my thoughts for...an hour (?) of when i first fully wake up. but i think as i get along with my day and start to do my own work, my own things that i enjoy, and occupy myself talking to ppl, i just start to think less about it. and this really helped today because i, in hindsight, realised i was really just doing a lot of the things i enjoyed by myself at home without thinking of her/what happened. because ultimately if i want to move on from her and be friends again with her, i do need to, as she said, "take some time apart and focus on (myself)". because obviously, aside from having to stop seeing her as a romantic...

...well i had to get through an interview first AHHAHA. and okay lah the physical interview was a bit longer than expected cuz the angmoh guy kept trying to make small talk and lighten the mood (lovely stuff) and yea the only downside i think is 1) when i didn't handshake at the end cuz...i was also abit blur HAHHAAHAH fml and 2) when they asked for a time when i helped to lead a team out of trouble and i was a bit...lost bcuz i didnt know what story to reference so i picked on about my project last time that was about 3 fin dudes doing hr and they all suck at quali stuff so i had to guide them on how to link the theory to an established practice...but i shld hv just gone w a softball example. but anyways i think the interview went quite well lah they said mm good good sounds like good exp a lot of times HAHAHA and they also said yea this is a good balance (work-life, study-rest etc.) so PRAYERS PLS OMG I J WANT AN INTERNSHIP LEH AHAHAHAHA then after that we had project presentatio...