wednesday the twelfth

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sorry i really couldnt come up with a better title for today LOL

i think today, i thought more about her, especially at the start of the day...for some reason everytime i wake up its always like "oh what did i do wrong" or "oh what is she thinking now" or "oh will we ever be (close) friends again". and it will always end up occupying my thoughts for...an hour (?) of when i first fully wake up. but i think as i get along with my day and start to do my own work, my own things that i enjoy, and occupy myself talking to ppl, i just start to think less about it. and this really helped today because i, in hindsight, realised i was really just doing a lot of the things i enjoyed by myself at home without thinking of her/what happened. because ultimately if i want to move on from her and be friends again with her, i do need to, as she said, "take some time apart and focus on (myself)". because obviously, aside from having to stop seeing her as a romantic option, i do also need to ensure that i do not let these affect other friendships/romantic opportunities. and regardless of whether my flaws as a friend affected her decision to reject me, i do need to work on myself to be better in some parts too, as should be the case everyday. again, i don't know if she is reading this, but i do hope ur days r getting better too :-)

went for lunch at jack's place w my mom, ate some steak (which was p decent ngl idk if its the outlet but its been a while since my steak wasn't overcooked), had some chocolate gelato (look this was coincidental i alw go for the gelato at jack's place if i take the set but man i do wish i was in australia again for more gelato). then came back, watched some league, youtube, football (lfg sailors!) and also just rotted away...i swear its penultimate sem in smu things im just so unmotivated to do school work RAHHHHH i nd to get my work tgt (i hv been saying this for 8 weeks, im aware)

i nvr addressed this directly on here, but i do realise that a TON of ppl have been crashing out over various things since roughly the start of march (i swear its rly my snake year that caused ppl to crashout) but hopefully everyone's feeling btr! because if there is one thing in life for certain that is NOT death nor taxes, it is living laughing and loving in these trying times. #trusttheprocess

- steve, who is weirdly tired after sleeping 10 hours and waking up at noon but its only 1am now

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