the sound of silence

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yknow i realised that the original sound of silence was composed in 1964 wtf and the disturbed remake was actually kinda like the 50th anniversary commemoration. wow. also that is how u remake a song. 

anyways wasnt feeling it today in school - had to pon lesson (for the first time ever lmao) and just take an mc (tbf i did have a diarrhoea today and ystd for some reason) but yea i just was completely out of it dealing with friendship stuff throughout the day. some things made me realise that perhaps i have regressed as a friend. or maybe i just havent been as good as i have been/i thought to be. i think natural circumstances had a lot to play, but there r things that i definitely didnt live up to expectation that was within my control, and there r things i need to work on. and honestly was feeling so sick about it that i had no appetite for lunch nor dinner, and i ended up just talking to people about life and zoning out in lesson after 950am and then going to cozy haven (for the first time in like forever?) in the afternoon after getting my mc

if anything i think i really need a reset this summer. i think exchange will help too - just getting me out of sg and being away from everything. it feels like my head is really all over the place and i would like to blame it on whatever shits happened in projects last sem that i havent recovered from but i think a large part of it is also i said one sentence that opened an entire collector's jar worth of worms that ended up spiralling me into this never-ending vortex. beyond feeling sickened by it i just feel regret, remorse, sadness, and guilt too, for various reasons. and this is really life giving me lemons and i really did create these lemons myself - am gonna try to shut that plantation down

but nevertheless am always grateful for the friends who are in the here and now - whatever happens in future i do always try to maximise the time spent and the value and memories created together. if things do go sour in future then i will always hold, in high regard, the time spent together, because i would rather remember the time spent together in fun and joy and laughter rather than what made the situation turn sour, even if that is the one with the strongest lesson(s). and at least the loose ends are all tied up now - time to start the next part of moving on. and thats life. its part and parcel. some things u take, others u give. the hurt is always there but u get used to it after some time (read as: likely takes months). so just enjoy the moment u r in - u nvr know when its gonna go

- steve, who is really just rambling the first thing that comes to his head but is also just really not in the headspace to conjunct thoughts together

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