Diary of an NPC (Needy Poor Creature)

Idk how much time I have to spare so this may be very short depending on the qns... Q41: How would you feel if you never saw them again? i guess this 'them' is generic, in the sense that it really applies to anyone. but i think that, if they were close, i'd just be shocked? idk how upset i will be, because that really depends on many things like how sudden it was, how close we were etc. But i think that it is not going to be a good feeling. i KNOW it is not going to be a good feeling, because i've been there before, and in some ways it felt like betrayal, even though it isn't. it's just that sometimes u feel like u don't know why they just left? and they never told u so even though u were close? where did that communication go? did we just spend so many years together but u forgot to tell me u were going?  i mean ofc if it's like a sudden death then it's different. it's more of a betrayal from the higher being that 'fuck u why'd u do that...

Just taking some time off the projects to do this, because I'm pretty sure I won't be able to do over the wkend unless my adrenaline rush is insane or im unusually productive Q38: If I wrote a book about my grandma, what would be the last line?  "I miss your cooking". Let her cook. Lowkey unhealthy but it's nice.  Q39: Who saved me when I was at my lowest?  Honestly...I would say myself? As in I have had many periods of time when I was "low", and I had friends who would come and support me and offer me advice and I'm of course thankful for them and to them. But I think there's only so much they can do. What I decide to do with their advice, and with their support, is what would allow me to safe myself. I can't even think of my lowest point tbh...teenage insecurities, losing close friends, making some big mistakes that ruined friendships..I mean, nothing has really broke me to the extent where i am crying about it. The worst has always been ju...

welp okay so I CAN GET BACK ON SCHD BECAUSE WTF IS THIS PROCRASTINATION RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH anyways. Q33: What's something my mom told me that I'll never forget?  When she said that hotpot is not a traditional CNY dish and that it is more troublesome to prep it than the traditional dishes (like abalone and mushrooms or the vegetarian dish), some of which might have to be done overnight. LIKE it just doesn't make sense?? I know my direct relatives on my dad's side are all picky eaters but FOR ONE DAY IN CNY CANNOT JUST EAT HOTPOT AH? what in the world sia... (i'm skipping Q34 because it is repeated).  Q35: What is one memory from my childhood that instantly makes me smile?  wow honestly say reals...it would just be the fun I have playing soccer everyday during recess and sometimes after school on the hard concrete school field. I think that was really the epitome of fun and innocence and just not worrying about the things that I would have to worry about in secondary ...

Q29: What's something you're holding onto that's still hurting you?  That when I was a facilitator for freshmen orientation (and also a gamemaster for business camp), I went in with a mindset of wanting to find friends, and get some close ones. The first is true, more so for business camp, but I found new friends from both. But I never found close ones because I had a bit of (unfortunate) tension with some people in FO and I also never took the opportunity to "cling" onto a grp, but rather I just floated around. And for business camp, I missed half of it because of COVID. And that bout of COVID was the main reason I had tension in FO anyways (maybe I shld have just been hyper asf throughout then maybe it'd have been mitigated somehow, though I'm not sure if I'd have survived..) But yes, that I didn't find any close friends still haunts me. And also that I think there were (unfair) rumours of me spreading, that's part of the reason why I didn...

welp just tryna clear this asap so...here goes  3! oh and btw here's an update on Q24 for ystd's post: Q24: Who do I miss most in my life?  Okay let's be real...honestly at different times I just miss different (groups of) people. Like I feel that at some point that person and I vibed quite well, but because we ended up not having that commonality after a while, I think that it just became quite difficult to maintain? Especially since I think that everyone nowadays is highly likely a bad texter. In the sense that when you drop them a message there's quite a high chance that they won't reply you at all and leave your message unread. Or even worse, they read your message and don't reply when it was a question. I think a lot of it boils down to how busy people like to keep themselves, so we end up just wrapping ourselves in a cocoon doing work.  But I think that also made me realise something (which I saw on tt and I agree) - people who reply quickly are not desper...

oof here comes 4 questions...enjoy :-) Q22: If my best friend was holding a gun to my head, what would your final words be?  "One last FIFA so I can shoot 100 times at your goal before you shoot me in the head?" Idk that just sounds morbidly funny in my head and it was the first thing that came to mind HAHAH but yes we did play FIFA before he went to Australia so...that's why FIFA (or EAFC as it is now putridly known as) anyways i realised that question got 750k likes on this person's tiktok which is 200-300x the normal like count WTH HAHAAH that's MAD yo.. Q23: If you could talk to someone one last time, who would it be?  Okay honestly this one (excluding best friend since that was the previous qn, and excluding parents and spouse and children to make it fun) I really cannot decide. Like I think it wouldn't be fair to choose any one particular person over another, because outside of the people that I hope I will be closest to when I die (or am going to), I re...

Since I have extra time now and the previous post was really short, here are some more.. Q20: What was the last grudge I held?  Honestly I don't really hold grudges, unless someone really does something fked up to me. I'd say maybe when I was involved in the planning for one of Softball's events, there was a little bit of miscommunication between me and my President and my personal take is that she is a nice person but just isn't the best communicator (but she tries her best I can tell). So there was this event that was cancelled because of some backend issues which I won't say but basically it was never communicated to me (from anyone) and I just kinda flipped and got mad when I found out through someone else in the Exco. And basically it had been known for a while but it was never stated to me (and others maybe?) so yes.  Q21: What is holding me back from happiness?  That I am unwilling to ask out the girls that I have had a crush on in my 23 years of existence HA...

OOps okay I have been kinda slacking the past few days when it comes to this (plus doing projects) so.. Q18: What is the one thing that you always wanted to tell your parents?  HAHAHAH this one is easy..that I'm bi. But of course we all know that will never happen.  Q19: When was the last time you cried? Who made you cry?  HMM okay this requires more thought. I'd say like I haven't really cried since secondary school (unless you consider crying from laughing 10mins straight) when the music teacher was ripping through us for being insolent children. But I guess if you count the crying from laughing then it'd be some time in the past year with either CO or Softball but I can't rmb which and I can't rmb why LOL (not cause I'm bad at remembering things, but bcos there are too many instances).  - steve, trying to finish his revision notes

Q15 - What motivates me to keep moving forward during tough times?  Put simply, I think it's that I did not get created just to wallow in my sadness/guilt and seek pity/acceptance whenever something bad happened. There are still many things that I want to do, and many people that still I will never be able to let go of on my own accord, and that these people are also looking at me sometimes for a spark in their day.  I know it sounds self-absorbing, but recognising that you are useful to someone as a friend is always a reason to keep going. No matter how hard things seem, there is always someone you can count on, and someone who can count on you, so don't leave that friend who counts on you alone, or with one less friend to count on when they need to. You aren't being a disservice to yourself; you are being a disservice to yourself and your friend(s).  Q16 - Who would you tell first if you know you were going to pass away?  In this order: Parents, spouse/partner what...

oops been busy with stuff again, here's just me with a little bit of free time since project took quicker than I realised.. 12/348: If I wrote a book about my mom, what would be the last line?  Ngl, sometimes my mom's mood swings terrify me. Like, she can go from being rational one moment and the next when I'm disagreeing with her over something it's like "okay if udw to listen fine." I mean, LOL it's like classic problems when arguing with the older generation maybe about how "we are strawberries" or "we don't know how to save up and live frugally".  Anyways, I guess the last line would be: "If it weren't for you, I don't think I would be as headstrong as I am now". Disclaimer: being headstrong imo is not a bad thing. Of course, there is a limit to which that I think should be observed, and I am consciously trying not to cross it. But being headstrong means standing up for what you believe in, and for the people a...

Sorry if any of you are reading this and wondering where I've been - no, I didn't die; I was just drowning. But I'm gonna clear the backlog now with two posts each day until I am done with the backlog, so have a good read :-) Q10/348: Who makes you feel safe? Why?  I think there is no like one PARTICULAR person that I feel safe around, mainly because I think I let my guard down quite easily. As in, I usually know who I can trust with my personal stuff based on my first (few) interactions with them. And I guess I also kinda know whether it is worth trying to get close to them. But of course my simp behaviour means that sometimes there's misjudgment, so...I think that it is not the most perfect method to determine whether someone is safe, but I think I am also someone to just open up because I think if you really want to get to know someone, someone has to take the initiative to lower their walls.  And this is not meant to be a criticism of anyone in particular, but I thi...

Question 9/348: Can you ever truly forgive someone who has hurt you?  I know the saying goes: it is easier to forgive than to forget. I don't think I have ever been truly hurt by someone to the extent where I contemplated life or doing other extreme stuff, so for now I think I have always forgiven someone who has hurt me. Whether it is in being unreasonable as a friend/workmate, or just being a bit toxic in general, I think I have always forgiven the person, and quite quickly too. I mean, I'd much rather bury the hatchet than let the beef simmer and become well-cooked and cook the rest of the people around us too.  - steve, a short one today because idk what else there is to say

SO THIS IS UP LIKE VERY LATE BECAUSE I WAS DYING FROM MOTHER'S BEJEWELED CONCERT SO YES THIS IS A TRIPLE UPLOAD FOR SUNDAY AND MONDAY (that is done on tuesday morning because I was busy studying for midterms lmao) Question 6: If I wrote a book about my dad, what would be the last line?  Interesting fact about me is I really like to fantasize things in my head. And I think that is because I am just a naturally very curious person. So a lot of the things that I run through in my head are scenarios of me meeting people (that I may not know well) and just thinking of how an ideal conversation would go with them. Ideal in the sense that, I get to know them on a basis where we become good friends/something more than good friends (depending on the person of course).  But anyways, I hadn't really thought about writing a book about my parents, even though I do introspect a fair bit. I guess, that line would be "Underneath the stoicism, there was a heart full of pride and care and s...

I MADE BRACELETS FOR MOTHER'S CONCERT LFGGG IM SO EXCITED SO LET'S RUN THRU THIS Q4&5: What song did I play when I was at my lowest & Who makes me feel bad about myself? Song: Honestly I don't have a "go-to", it just depends on what I find catchy at that point in time. Something I find catchy this week could have released 6 years ago (Beach House by Chainsmokers) but I had never heard of it prior for whatever "frog-in-the-well" reason. But my fave artist (if I ever want to turn back to safe songs) is Kygo. It's just the vibes that are so chill and so melodious too.  Who makes me feel bad about myself? Honestly I haven't felt this in a while, but sometimes when I feel bad about myself it is because someone is doing a similar task to me but in such a fashion that it outshines me and I feel that I am a letdown. Which is, of course, in no way the fault of that person, but it's just my inferiority complex that gets worked up, because I don...

I GOT MY TAYLOR SWIFT TICKETS I AM GOING TO SEE MOTHER!!!!!!! ANYWAYS TODAY'S QUESTION, 3/348: When was the last time anyone told you how important you are?  OOF okay honestly...I don't know for sure because people don't usually run to me for their problems...it's like girls always run to girls and guys don't usually share their problems (and anyways I don't have that many guy friends in uni).  Let me think...(after 10 legit minutes of thinking) I think that no one ever explicitly told me that "yo steve you are so important that without you i'd literally die right now" BUT the most recent one that carried that amount of weight I think would be when I helped a senior in uni get over her very sudden breakup about half a year ago (if u read this u know who u r). And not gonna lie...part of me is guilty because I was the one that made them talk to each other and go out on dates and eventually become partners for a few months...and then it ended.  I thi...