Clearing the remaining backlog - 24th March - 26th March

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welp okay so I CAN GET BACK ON SCHD BECAUSE WTF IS THIS PROCRASTINATION RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

anyways.

Q33: What's something my mom told me that I'll never forget? 

When she said that hotpot is not a traditional CNY dish and that it is more troublesome to prep it than the traditional dishes (like abalone and mushrooms or the vegetarian dish), some of which might have to be done overnight. LIKE it just doesn't make sense?? I know my direct relatives on my dad's side are all picky eaters but FOR ONE DAY IN CNY CANNOT JUST EAT HOTPOT AH? what in the world sia...

(i'm skipping Q34 because it is repeated). 

Q35: What is one memory from my childhood that instantly makes me smile? 

wow honestly say reals...it would just be the fun I have playing soccer everyday during recess and sometimes after school on the hard concrete school field. I think that was really the epitome of fun and innocence and just not worrying about the things that I would have to worry about in secondary school onwards, even till now. Like, as a kid, you just go out and have fun, make friends, be a bitch sometimes because u r so immature...but it's all fun and games. Now? It is a total 180. 

Q36: What is/was the hardest part of my life? 

I'd say just figuring out my insecurities that arose because of my doubts about my sexuality in secondary school. Like I think that it was really toxic to me and the people around also because I did/said things that are very weird. And I mean, from Sec One till JC, I was constantly figuring out how to deal with it. And I never told anyone until JC and I slowly got to accepting who I was. I mean, in a way it's because I never really gained that trust with anyone. And I know my parents at that point in time would just laugh it off or convert me into being straight/just implant me with an idea of who I was supposed to be instead of helping me figure out who I was. 

I think that it was just toxic in general, and to figure it out by myself was...not easy. And the things I did to the people around me were very insensitive too so there's also that. And that's why, by extension, I also kinda hated my sec school life. Because it was riddled with this and I don't think I knew it then but I'd say it played quite a big role in impacting my (lack of) social skills and my studies to some extent too. 

Q37: What is my worst memory? 

Honestly just the cringe things I say or did when I look back now. Like it really makes me question why I said or did those things? I think that I still think of it because I always fantasize about what things could be like if all went well, and I also want more friends and close friends. But sometimes I'm just too trigger-happy and I say things that really should not come out of my mouth. Like, my lack of EQ especially back in secondary school was SO WILD. I can't even comprehend it now. 

For example, apologising profusely to someone because I didn't see them and didn't say hi even though she saw me? oh my god. HELP. Like that's how bad it is u know. Apologising is fine. But profuesly? DIg me my grave please...

- steve, full of interesting historical memories

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