30th and 31st March

Idk how much time I have to spare so this may be very short depending on the qns...

Q41: How would you feel if you never saw them again?

i guess this 'them' is generic, in the sense that it really applies to anyone. but i think that, if they were close, i'd just be shocked? idk how upset i will be, because that really depends on many things like how sudden it was, how close we were etc. But i think that it is not going to be a good feeling. i KNOW it is not going to be a good feeling, because i've been there before, and in some ways it felt like betrayal, even though it isn't. it's just that sometimes u feel like u don't know why they just left? and they never told u so even though u were close? where did that communication go? did we just spend so many years together but u forgot to tell me u were going? 

i mean ofc if it's like a sudden death then it's different. it's more of a betrayal from the higher being that 'fuck u why'd u do that' so quickly and suddenly? and u wld have so many qns that u want to ask but u know u won't get a reply just because it's life, and that's how transactional it is. 

i guess i'm just..emo-ing w this qn. it's rly messy but it brings back memories of rollercoaster rides w so many ppl

Q42: How have you been feeling recently?

just stressed. about projects. about how i've had so many deadlines in a single week, and even my study week can't be used to study because i still have assignments to submit and worry about. i'm very close to the point where i just need a hug and someone to really just lean on and stare upon the endless sea with the moonlight shining above us. but i also know that i don't have anybody in sg that i'm close to and comfortable enough w who feels the same way (and is willing to do it in the middle of the night). 

i honestly dk what i will do aft finals. bcos i think i will be so stressed that i may just scream or cry during the nxt 3 wks bcos i'm just so incapable to sit from 8-8 and just do work endlessly. i mean in a way i guess i brought it upon myself by not starting my revision in the first half of the sem but man...i really need to be w friends over the next few weeks so if u see this then i have a few things to ask: 

1) take care of urself

2) be nice to those u r around these times

3) if someone finds u, don't just shoo them away. be with them, or if u decide to not entertain them just let them know why. don't go into a cold shell. 

please. for all our sakes. just be nice. just for these next 3 weeks. 

Q43: If you could have asked them one question before they left, what would that question be? 

"what did i do that made u drift from me?" 

Q44: If you could have one phone call to anyone, who would you choose?

the person who i'd ask the above response to. even if she doesn't pick up i just want to know how we drifted miles apart even though we are barely metres away from each other. 

- steve, at the limit