Diary of an NPC (Needy Poor Creature)

I wished I would have been able to complete my project report and individual essay today but i'm only two-thirds done with my essay bcos i can't brainstorm ugh...mad Q52: When was the first time I saw my dad cry?  Honestly I can't remember if it happened before this incident, because he's quite stoic, but the one I remember is when my grandma passed when I was 14. I don't think I need to elaborate, but yes.  - steve, still kinda mad he had a relatively unproductive day

idk i just like the billie eilish vibes, especially pre-bad guy. and of course this is the time when she put millions on her close friends' list.  Q51: who was the first person i looked up to?  Honestly, aside from my parents, I never really looked up to anyone as a role model. I don't think I ever saw myself as "wanting to be exactly like that guy/girl". Like, I respect people for who they are obviously, but I don't see anyone embodying that same idea of who I want to be in themselves. Even if say the first person I really respected was Alex Ferguson, or some primary school teacher I had, there are things I don't agree with what they do. So I guess, if you consider "looking up" to a person as "role model", I'd say no one. Because I don't want to take on what I think are flaws of other people in myself.  I think obviously that's really delulu and wishful thinking, but I'd say it's just part of me trying to be the best ve...

as the title says. what is the biggest goal for this year?  I think I stopped coming up with yearly goals in 2023. Because I realised that I was a very fluid person and I never stuck to my goals and just went where the tides and winds took me. I think, for the longest time, my biggest goal has always been to feel secure about my friendship circle. I've said this before, but I always want more friends, but a lot of times that happens at the expense of forming really true and genuine close friendships.  And because I am so scared to lose friends, I think I'm just more sensitive than the normal person would be to the people that truly matter. I think the moment I sense something is wrong, I will reach out to that person if the circumstances allow it. But if it comes to someone who truly matters to me, I will reach out (after some careful thought on how to reach out). I'm self-diagnosing at this point, but I think there are many reasons for this, such as knowing how it feels to...

I hate bruno mars for not singing:  count on me lazy song skate smokin out the window young girls a full version of grenade a full version of leave the door open but he has 2 hrs not 3 so gotta deal w it. and anyways the instrumental solos were HELLA AWESOME i wish i could play those guitar riffs.. Q49: How long can I go without receiving a hug?  I mean, tbh the last time i received a hug (not just shoulder hug, not that there's much difference in time) was almost a year ago after annual concert (I think...it might have been even before that in NS). But something feels off. Because I know I used to priortise physical touch as my main love language. But now words of affirmation and quality time have taken over. I know it's because I crave those two much more than before, but I don't know if physical touch declined also because I have gotten used to a lack of physical proximity with people (I MEAN, BEING EVERGREEN FOR 23 YEARS IS SOMETHING).  And so, I know that I still wan...

Q45: Are you happy in life?  I think it depends on when you ask me this. If you asked me in the first half of March, yes because I landed tickets to mom and an internship. But if you ask me now? I don't think so. Like I have so many submissions due and so little time to revise.  But I guess, looking at the bigger picture, I think that it is very hard to say if I'm happy. I don't know what I want to do in future, and I don't know if I can sustain myself in future while enjoying myself. So in all honesty, I don't know if I am happy in life. But I am happy that I am surrounded by very nice people at the moment, even if some of them are...detaching for whatever reason. Transactionality? Maybe. Overdrowning in work? Definitely. But well, it's their loss.  Q46: If I wrote a book about myself, what would be the title?  "No Fixed Path". Because I think I have always not known what I wanted to do in life, and it has taken me to somewhat unexpected places. And I...