Diary of an NPC (Needy Poor Creature)

so basically, lessons were fine. turns out that the friend i bidded with bidded with another friend (again), so we were a trio, and i was sitting in front of another friend who happened to be in the same class and he also bidded with 2 friends, so we ended up agreeing to form a project grp tgt cos this other friend messaged me HAHAH. the prof for that mod was also quite chill, she loves her math (i swear to the world's end) but she mispronounces the terms like homoscedasticity which becomes homoscarcity LOL damn funny lah i swear...then i went to watch deadpool x wolverine and it was honestly SO GOOD i didnt count the number of times they said 'fuck' but the cameos were awesome man...even the accidental borderlands reference (which i swear if its planned is an insane foreshadow) being in the void (and they are that bad of a move based on ratings) was so good... welp then i realised that a friend of mine had to reschedule dinner to (hopefully supper tomorrow) sometime in the...

so i dont think im gonna like create an entirely new page for my short daily journal-like entries, but rather just type in my journal entry and then continue answering the 348 questions below:  i honestly am not sure what is making me so busy this sem, cuz like there's something outside of lessons that i have to do for every remaining day of this month (except next tuesday? but i also have b2b lessons then so like...yea). honestly it's just cca stuff and some meetups with friends that are new and a couple others that are rescheduled because of timing clashes (which at least aren't cancelled!). had breakfast with faith (bondue, not co) and finally ate some good MCGRIDDLES but i realised it was actually kinda unfilling beyond 3 hrs and i had to down pasta express aft my noon class lmfao. was nice to talk with someone who i hadn't talked in a while (who is also going back to school like everyday???). then i went for lessons, and omg my sust ops group (who probably will nev...

and, missed game 4 of the cologne finals in cs2...sighs. (update: this was supposed to be uploaded for sunday, but i got really tired on monday so here it is on tuesday...) q75:  do I hate who I am or what I've become?  hmmm, i dont hate who i am (other than the fact that i think i could be less sentimental but i wouldnt want to become robocop), and i dont hate what i've become but i wish that i had been able to figure out what i want to do in life (i still don't), so that at least i have more time to myself) q76: what trauma has caused me the most pain?  all the times when i had low eq moments. not my proudest moments, but all part of the process #ibelieve q77: why is it so hard to leave (assume it is for a person)?  im too fking sentimental thats why. take it or leave it. if u leave me then u make me sad. if u stay then u kinda r forced by obligation of being a good fren to me and caring for me (or at least u care enuf to not just up and go without telling me why w...

idk what to write in the intro here...oh wait that's because i completely blocked out school starting in less than 24 hours jeez.... Q72: what pain do I wish I never felt?  i mean this is quite kiddish, but yknow how there's those rest stops along the highways in malaysia? yea there was this one time when i was in preschool and my parents were driving up to visit my aunts (the tradition till today), and I was running the slope at one of the rest stops when i fell and scraped my knee. there was a decent amount of bleeding and it was also somewhat painful but it stopped after a while (and after a bit of crying) BUT, one of my aunts heard about it and decided, in her home, to apply dettol to the wound (which was still fresh cos it was on the same day or the day after if im not wrong) and omg alcohol on an open wound is so effective but one of the most agonising pains i've ever gotten. i still remember shrieking and i swear my mom was laughing (with my cousin) and my aunt was l...

i mean technically, i still have two more days to work but they dont come in on fridays and im not sure how many i will see in office tmr (thursday)...welp its been a good year regardless ig.. Q70: if I were given the opportunity to start a new life, leaving everything and everyone behind, would I take it?  no, even though there are many things that i regret and i am not the most socially pleasing person to be around sometimes. i can be awkward, i can be un-vibeable (to the popz standard), i so often do stupid things in life that i will regret sometime down the road too. but there are also so many people that i've met that are rly nice, that keep my world revolving, and i am too sentimental to be able to let them go just so i can reset myself and live another life true, i still dont know what my career path is gonna be like, and i dont know if i will marry (or find a partner). but i think that life is sometimes more about enjoying the little things, like being there for ur friends ...

i would like to say that i wish from today onwards i will post everyday on this blog but i have said that many times before and i havent followed through with it for more than 2 weeks. so i will just say that whatever happens, happens. and i will still post here and try to make it as frequent and insightful as possible so it's therapeutic and healing for me, but i also have my other interests and that's why i have been so on and off here.  but u know what being on and off reminds me? of a particular person i met on a dating app. obviously i'm not gonna dox her (even if i did accidentally dox her to a small friend group when i forgot to edit her name out...long story) but things happened that made me question if it is even worth trying.  it must be said that i have gotten likes but no intros on the apps and it sucks so bad because unless u r using hinge, u cant see who liked u. so i have no idea who that person is and what their profile is like except for a really blurred ou...