i love wfh

bruh at this point i think work from home should be renamed to sleep at home LOL i mean even my mentor does it (he takes a long ass jb lunch break and continues working in a cafe in jb on his wfh days which is like practically 3/4 days a week)

Q66: Who didn't show up when I thought they would? 

okay technically there isn't anyone, but if i want to nitpick then it would be some (former) close friends who just drifted and i wanted to kinda ask them out for a meal to ask them why we drifted but they don't want to make time for me/are unable to make time for me. i just thought that our friendship had something more than a single grey tick, or a cold shoulder when i asked them for something. and whether i tell them i wanted to talk to them about smth important or not, they never said yes. and yes i have attachment issues so im just dealing with it forever. 

Q67: What's one trait I look for in a partner? 

HAHAH that's funny because i am like so fucking evergreen (maybe not for much longer). but i mean of course i have flirted with the idea before of what i think my ideal type would be. i'd say the strongest ideal is just someone who is empathetic (and by extension, understanding.) or at least they try to be understanding in a way that makes it seem like they are listening to my problems and trying to help/support me instead of just doing it for the sake of doing it. i don't expect every problem i face to require the help of someone else to solve, but i just hope that if the time comes when i need them, they can be there for me. 

and yes, i don't usually confide in other people about my personal problems. it's not about trust issues (my trustbar is very easy to reach), but rather i just don't want to bother someone who is technically not obliged to be there for me. and more than half the people i'm close to at the moment are already attached anyways, and i don't trust everyone with all my problems - some i trust more than others

it's ironic that i say 'i don't want to bother someone who is technically not obliged to be there for me', i.e. normal close friends, but i also said that i kinda expected a close friend to show up for me when i thought they would when i asked them out for a meal. i guess maybe this one is one of the more epiphanic entries because i think maybe i finally solved another one of my quirks: i don't tell people i'm close to about my problems often because they are not expected to, and i know that because the people close to me haven't always been available when i needed them because they are not in a 'lifelong contract' with me in the form of an official relationship. 

and so then this brings in another question: do i really trust the people i'm close to at this point? like i do trust a small handful of people about all my problems. and i do trust another slightly larger group about regular problems that a person might face. but if i am unwilling to find them because i think they are not obliged to be there for me, then is that me having trust issues? or, could it also be because of me having trust issues that lead to this? 

- steve, who is wondering if he has trust issues right now and if it is the direct or indirect cause for not telling people his problems..