full resumption (i promise i have no more concert-stress)

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and maybe this is so i minimise my post concert PERFORMER depression because i can feel it hitting. 

Q59: What made me smile today? 

I think it's the simple fact that I have not had to worry about performing in smuco and wondering whether i can come in on time or play my notes cleanly because my foundations are weak since i never had proper guidance. admittedly the longer i get from d-day the more i will wonder about where i went wrong and what could have been done btr in terms of my execution of each of the 7 pieces. and that's a common refrain but i think it'll be fine

Q60: What is the worst memory I have? 

I did not anticipate this contrast in questions but...I think there are a lot of contenders. There is no one main one because I have not been through a relationship breakup, and I haven't had to deal with depression or suicidal thoughts and I lost 3 of my 4 grandparents when I was in preschool (or earlier). If I have to take one from my memory bank (and try to minimise recency bias), I think it's when I got 86 for my math SA1 in p4 or p5. i need to STRESS that i never got below 90 for my math before that so i was really upset when i got the paper back and i was crying in class (and trying to make it not obvious) and i was damn scared my parents would scold and cane me when i got home (which they did scold but i didnt get caned). 

what i remember from that day is that one of my classmates who sat really near to me saw i was damn upset and he was "bro just relax why r u crying 86 is still damn good" and then he said something along the lines of him always getting sub-90 (he knew i was got above 90) until that particular paper when he got 91 and he was never upset about getting sub-90 so i shouldn't feel that way too. and i learnt two things that day (speaks like nick wilde from zootopia): 

One, it's okay to fall at a hurdle in life. You just have to pick yourself up. 
Two, everyone has different expectation levels. The key is to be open about your expectations so others know why you react a certain way when results come in, and also be open about how you did something, i.e. be honest and sincere. Because you shouldn't feel the need to hide an achievement you are proud of, and you shouldn't feel the need to cower in fear of punishment and/or mockery for not doing well. 


- steve, who does not have a crush at the moment (and is trying to beat allegations)

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